Crossdressing Day
by Konichiwa Kitty
Summary: Yamamoto's become pretty bored in Soul Society lately. So to ease his boredom, he decides to announce a new day. And of course, it's "Crossdressing Day."
1. Chapter 1

Crossdressing Day 1

Soul Society was in turmoil. All the Shinigami were either causing a commotion, sleeping, or drooling in anticipation. And why was this?

Yamamoto had decided that things were too...serious, in Soul Society. And so he'd decided to have a special day for ALL the Shinigami. All of them. And they all had to participate (except for a certain doggy captain ^^ *woof!*).

And what was this amazing, wonderful day of celebration that had Soul Society so up in turmoil?

Cross-dressing day.

Now, normally this wouldn't have been an issue, since most of the Shinigami's uniforms were the same clothing. But just to make it more fun (and probably for his own amusement as well, the old geezer! Teehee), they all had to cross-dress...in HUMAN clothes. FORMAL human clothes.

Which meant that the girls got to wear big, drapey suits, luckily for them (though Rangiku complained about not being able to show off her figure and such). But the guys were not so lucky...

What do prim, proper ladies wear to a great social event, what do they wear? Yep, you guessed it: DRESSES. WITH HIGH HEELS (except for some, cause high heels are murder for your feet. MURDER.).

Which was why most of Seireitei was going around in craziness. But of course, Yamamoto's word was law, and they all had to obey (much to the chagrin of Ikkaku—poor guy, he even...no, that comes later xD).

Flash forward to the day of lovely cross-dressingness! All the guys stood around in makeup, dresses and high heels, chatting with the ladies in tuxes and whatnot. All the unseated ones, that is. Not counting Ichigo (yes, he got caught up in this—wait till you see his—oh wait, you can't see it. Pooey. Then I'll describe it to you), of course.

Now, lets move to the seated officers, beginning with...Squad 1. Yamamoto, bless his old, bodybuilder-shaped, scar-covered soul, was sitting at the head of the (hastily built for this event) hall in a lovely throne-like chair, dressed in...a very unrevealing (much to the relief of everyone there) full-length black and white dress, with very few designs, the most prominent being the "一" on the back of his dress, showing him being captain of Squad 1. Meanwhile, his lieutenant, Choujiro Sasakibe, had been reported earlier dressed in an olive green dress of exact same design (but no "一" design on the back), and was currently...hiding in a back corner, stuffing tiny cakes into his mouth (yum).

On to Squad 2, Soifon was sitting at a table dejectedly, wearing a normal black tuxedo with a wasp-design tie on. Dejectedly, that is, until she spotted Yoruichi wearing a (rather dashing) purple suit that matched her hair, and rushed over to fangirl and squee over her "Yoruichi-sama." Omaeda, however... He was hula-ing in the middle of the hall/dance floor, wearing nothing but a coconut-shell bra and a grass skirt which went completely against the dress code of this party, additionally scarring some lesser seated members for life.

Kira himself was wearing a lovely (slightly skimpy) golden-sparkly single-shoulder dress, picked out for him by Momo (lovely taste in clothing, ne? Eat your hearts out, fangirls). He stood by a wall self-consciously, leaving lipstick imprints on the glass he was drinking out of (orange juice, people. No alcohol for this Shinigami, at least not yet ;).

Unohana still had her braid in front of her, but was wearing a simple 3-piece white suit with a light green undecorated tie that had the "四" design on it. Isane wore the same, except her suit was black and her tie matched her hair color. Hanataro...OH LAUGH YOUR HEARTS OUT! He wore a skimpy can-can dress with numerous frills, rainbow knee-high socks, stiletto high heels, and a mushroom headband, all a delicious bright red except for the socks. And was blushing the exact same shade as well.

Momo, who had helped pick out Kira's (lolol) dress, was actually wearing quite a modest suit, a navy blue color with slightly longer coattails and a powdery-blue bowtie.

Byakuya was wearing his dress with "pride," though it looked absolutely...ridiculous. It was a bright/light pink shade, shoulderless, a leg slit (?) almost up to his hips on the left side, along with a whole bunch of flower patterns and designs, not to mention a (overkill!) flower headband in place of his Kenseikan. Renji, however, was even more extravagant, if that was possible. His hair was let down (insert weird fangirl squees here), floating behind him (to Byakuya's jealousy—how dare someone's hair, especially his own lieutenant's, be longer than his own? His Kuchiki pride would not allow it!), shining in what crappy light the windows let in (hastily made structure, remember?). He had on a shoulderless dress as well, a vivid red (but still duller than Hanataro's—MMMMGGPH LAUGH!) color, with an uber-low open back, extremely body-hugging, and a long flowing bottom part (I don't know dress terminology...) with an overkill leg slit, along with bright red platform heels. His dress was extremely feathery and he wore a lovely red furry boa around him. And for Renji's admirer, Rikichi...a dress extremely similar to Renji's (copycat much?).

Komamura had special leave, sadly, so there was no dress for him tonight. Or celebrations, for that matter. Tsk, he was missing out on all the cake and giggles. But Iba, trying to make up for his captain's absence, had gone all out, with frills, lace, feathers, fur, cloth, and was so covered up only his sunglasses were visible, and even they looked rather...feminine.

Kyouraku had no trouble posing as a girl, but he wore a girly pink kimono instead of a fancy dress, which annoyed Yamamoto to no end. Though he did have lovely rose-colored high heels. Nanao was dressed in a nondescript black tuxedo with a bright blue tie.

Hisagi had tried to dress modestly, but had been coerced by Rangiku to wear one of her dresses. He now was trying to hide all the indecent places it showed, sitting awkwardly in a chair drinking UNSPIKED fruit punch, thank you very much.

But in Squad 10, it was Rangiku who made the grand debut...with a shiny silver suit that had little sequins all over it, along with a partially unbuttoned inner shirt to show off her...busty chest (and give Hisagi an intense nosebleed). And a crooked tie. But if Rangiku was the grand debut, then Hitsugaya was the laughingstock of the entire Gotei Thirteen. He had been dressed as a little fairy, complete with sparkly (much-too-short) tutu, little ballet shoes and tights, and a delightful little fairy wand. His angry (furiously spitting out fire, really) response when Rangiku smothered him (again, haha!) was to stab her boob with his wand. Which had no effect. No effect whatsoever.

Kenpachi was wearing his haori (but completely cleaned, with sleeves, and zipped/buttoned up all the way, with "十一" to cover up his dress (He probably wasn't even wearing one! Wait. On second thought, don't even go there). Yachiru looked so... freakin... adorable! in her pink suit. Ikkaku had on a sleeveless open-back dress, the color of which was black that had been chosen by Yachiru (to "make cue-ball's head shine more!" she'd said). Yumichika had on some kind of kimono/dress/thingummy (no knowledge of dress terminology, again) much like the one he'd had prior to joining the Gotei Thirteen.  
Mayuri was currently unavailable at the ball, supposedly having suffered serious injuries from a lab-related thing, though everyone else was quite sure he was just skipping the whole thing. Nemu was there, however, dressed in a lovely teal button-up shirt, along with black dress pants and a tie decorated with syringes, test tubes and the like. Akon had on a nondescript purple dress and was smoking in a corner, trying to talk to Hisagi.

Ukitake had on a delightful white dress (that resembled a wedding dress...), chosen by Kiyone and Sentarō themselves. It matched his hair perfectly (though not his eyebrows, poor Ukitake-senpai). Kiyone herself was wearing a bright yellow suit, while Sentarō had on a boring (BORING) grey dress with barely-there heels, so as not to outshine his captain.

Rukia had on a plain black suit, and was hanging out with Renji and Byakuya, fawning over her "Nii-sama's beauty! (such amazing hair!)" Ichigo...had on...something absolutely amazing, which we will save for later.

Now, all was happy (mostly) in the huge (poorly built) hall, with various captains, lieutentants and seated officers socializing with each other. The punch (again, NOT SPIKED) was getting dangerously low when Yamamoto slammed his cane-thing down three times to get their attention (careful not to expose any...special parts), shaking the shaky building down to its shaky foundations that rested on shaky ground. "Attention, all Shinigami!"


	2. Chapter 2

Crossdressing Day 2

"Attention, all Shinigami!" The Call of the Yamamoto roused everyone from their socializing, and they all looked up to the old, bodybuilder-shaped, scar-covered Squad 1 captain sitting up on his rickety throne that looked as though it was about to fall any second.

The old, bodybuilder-shaped, scar-covered Yamamoto beamed at all the attentive faces staring at him. "Good morning (it was only 11AM), everyone! As you all know, today is Dress-as-Your-Opposite-Gender (not crossdressing, Yama-jii hated that term) Day! These are the rules for today!" He clapped his hands, and Choujiro came out holding a giant scroll-thingamajig, still covered in cake crumbs and whatnot (*jealousy*). "Rule number one: all women will act like gentlemen to the men! Yes, even you, Squad 11 (Juuichi-ban) Fuku-Taichou," he added to Yachiru, who'd raised her hand. She pouted, then discreetly kicked Ikkaku, causing him to screech in pain which earned him a Stare from Yamamoto.

"Second rule: all men will act like ladies to the women! Yes, even you, Squad 10 (Juu-ban) Taichou," he added to Hitsugaya, who'd raised his hand. He pouted, then stabbed his wand at Rangiku's boob ineffectively again. She chuckled, earning another disapproving Stare from Yamamoto.

"Rule number three: No making fun of others' clothing!" he continued, Staring down at Renji, who was poking fun at Kira's skimpy dress (Renji, you hypocrite! xD). He returned Yamamoto's Stare with his own stare, but his stare was easily overpowered by Yamamoto's Stare.

Smiling again, Yamamoto pounded his cane against the floor again, shaking the building so hard that one of the supports fell, hitting Yumichika on the head and knocking him out cold. Everybody ignored him but Yachiru, who knelt down beside the unconscious 5th seat and began doodling on his face with magic markers. "Now that that's over, go and enjoy yourselves, youngsters!" Speech concluded, he promptly fell asleep, leaving Choujiro looking lost and confused, still holding up the extremely heavy giant scroll-thingummy.

The hall burst back into conversation as Yamamoto fell asleep, racous laughter ringing through the air. Despite it being only 11:30 in the morning, Rangiku was already half-drunk, giggling around with Hisagi and Kyouraku, making fun of their dresses. Renji stood by the ginormous punch bowl chatting with Kira about the power of Yamamoto's Stare.

Over on the other side of the hall, trouble was brewing, however. Renji, being the stupid prankster that he was, had made Rikichi pass the word on to Hanataro to give Unohana only alcohol-spiked punch, and as a result shed become highly drunk, even more than Rangiku. Being so drunk, she decided to play tag with Yachiru (who by now had finished drawing on Yumichika's face), chasing her all the way across the hall. Which scared Isane so much, she began running for her life as well, but running away from Yachiru and Unohana led her to chasing Hanairo, who'd been sitting at a table staring dreamily off into space until now. Which caused Hanairo to slip on a puddle of spilled punch, making her skedaddle all the way across the floor to where Kira was standing, knocking him into Renji, who stumbled over the edge of the ginormous punch bowl and conclusively fell in with a humongous SPLASH! spraying punch over everyone, including Byakuya, who was meditating. Which made his Taichou's dress very see-through, which turned his face a bright red color to rival Hanataro's frilly can-can skirt. Byakuya tried to excuse himself from the hall, but was swamped by several fangirls, who'd been huddled up in a gaggle outside the hall ever since they'd heard of this event, who smothered him in towels, cameras, flowers, and kisses (haha! Bya-kun...), covering his punch-covered self in all shades or lipstick as well.

All this happened while Renji was spluttering in the punch bowl, trying not to drown in delicious red punch. Thankfully, his dress was made of slightly better material, causing only the top part (horrible dress terminology) to become see-through, exposing his tattoos, which caused another horde of drooling fangirls to rush in, snapping pictures and posting them all over the web.

Somehow; they managed to beat back the rabid fangirls, allowing Byakuya and Renji to finally be able to leave to get a change of clothing, helping Kira and Hanairo up, calming Isane down, ignoring Yachiru, and putting Unohana on a bed where she stayed for the next few hours.

And through all of this, Yamamoto didn't even bat an eyelash. Though he was sleeping, but you CAN bat an eyelash when you're sleeping—hold on, isn't it physically impossible to just bat a single eyelash or something? I wouldn't know...


	3. Chapter 3

Crossdressing Day 3

It was the middle of the day. Yamamoto had woken up just for a moment to announce lunchtime, and fallen back asleep, his snores reverberating through the hall and making it shake shakily on its shaky walls resting on shaky foundations. Byakuya and Renji had come back with clean dresses, as somehow the sewers (whoever they are) had made doubles of everyone's clothes, just in case. Rangiku was slumped over a chair, drunk; a group of Shinigami consisting of Hisagi, Kira, Momo, Nemu, Iba, Akon, Kiyone, Ikkaku, Yumichika, and Hanataro were over by one of the sturdier walls, playing hangman (which was led by Yachiru). Their voices reverberated throughout the hall.

"P! I'm sure it's a P!"

Yachiru shook her head, drawing a circle for the head. "Nuh-uh, 'Sagi-kun!"

Nemu stepped forward. "May I hazard a U, Kisajishi Fuku-Taichou?"

"Yayy! Clone-boobies got one right!" Yachiru marked several U's in the long word she'd drawn blanks for on the board. 45 letters long, to be exact.  
Meanwhile, Choujiro still sat in a corner, stuffing his face with sweetcakes. Beside him now sat Renji, on his 5th bottle of punch/sake mix and pouring out his sorrows to the sympathetic 1st Squad lieutentant. "I didn't think Rukia would diss me that badly! After all, I only slept with about 3 other girls...or was it four? And now Rukia thinks Ichigo and I are in a relationship cause the last time—" he paused here to take a swig of punch/sake mix, "cause the last time we went to Karakura, Ichigo got drunk and said something or whatever. It's not even my fault!"

Choujiro choked on an especially delicious sweetcake upon hearing "Ichigo and I are in a relationship," and Renji had to pound his back, also spilling a whole bunch of his punch/sake over the remaining pile of sweetcakes, so when Choujiro resumed eating them he quickly became drunk as well, and they ran loopy circles around the hall singing the theme song to "My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic" and making the walls tremble with their footsteps.

Throughout all of this, Yamamoto slept peacefully.

Kenpachi looked around, bored. Suddenly he felt something tugging on his haori, and turned around to see who it was. Some random subordinate (he thought it was the Fourth Seat, maybe?) was behind him. "Err, Kenpachi Taichou...Just thought I'd let you know, that Kurosaki kid's arrived. He's hiding behind that support beam over there."

Kenpachi grinned. "Finally! Someone to fight!" He rushed over to where Ichigo was hiding behind the support beam, trying to keep him and his dress well hidden from sight. That is, until he caught sight of a battle-hungry Kenpachi rushing toward him, grinning psychotically. And then he knew it was time to run.  
Now let's see...Ichigo's dress hasn't been described yet, has it? First of all, it was picked by Rukia and his dad, so it was bound to be...interesting.

Let's start with the color: It was a gentle orange color, lighter than his hair, about the color of...um...the mango colored pencil in Crayola's 50pack of colored pencils. It was extremely body-hugging, shoulderless, and began flaring out a tiny bit around his hips, growing to numerous frills and ruffles by the time it got down to his feet. Very unconventional for running, as could be seen by the way he was tripping, stumbling, and taking eensy-weensy tiny steps as he ran. So Kenpachi was catching up very quickly.

"STOP CHASING MEEEEE!"

"Come and fight with me, Ichigo! This party's boring! (yeah, what with Unohana being drunk, Hanataro wearing a skimpy red tutu, and Byakuya and Renji being drenched in punch, it's BORING)" Grinning happily, Kenpachi raised his zanpakutou and slashed down at Ichigo, tearing his dress slightly (which I still haven't fully described yet).

It had lots of sparkly sequins on it, arranged in strawberry patterns, for his name (for any idiot who does not know, "Ichigo" also means strawberry in Japanese). He wore 6-inch open-toe high heels, which were a much brighter orange just to match his hair, and was decorated in strawberries as well. Rukia had actually somehow gotten him to stay still long enough (string and chloroform, anyone?) to paint his nails a bright orange-and-white striped pattern—fingernails AND toenials. Yup, she was that meticulous. And then some of the longer strands of his hair were braided—

"HEY! WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU? YOU JUST FREAKING RIPPED MY DRESS!" (Ichigo, stop interrupting me!- Not my fault! Blame it all on Kenpachi here!- Ken-chan: *evil grins* Me: *epic sweatdrops*) Hearing this, Rukia whirled around, shocked.

"ICHIGOOO! YOU ACTUALLY LOVE THE DRESS YOUR DAD AND I PICKED OUT FOR YOU! D'AWWWWW!" She ran over and hugged him, knocking him down to the ground and consequently helping him miss Kenpachi's next swing, which only swiped off about 1/2 inch off the front of his hair.

"RUKIA! GET OFF ME! THAT FREAK IS TR—"

"ICHIGO! THERE'S A RIP IN THIS DRESS ALREADY?" Rukia interrupted his sentence with her own, noticing the rip.

"IT'S ALL HIS FAULT!" Ichigo pointed at Kenpachi, bearing down on them, zanpakutou raised high over his head.

"BACK, FOUL DEMON!" Rukia grabbed a hairpin out of her hair, which immediately transformed itself into a huge katana (don't ask me—Byakuya gave it to her! *sweatdrop*), with which she launched herself at Kenpachi, tearing open his captain's haori, exposing what he had underneath.

Which would've been fine, if he'd actually WORN somethig underneath. Which he hadn't.

"AHHHHH! My eyes!"

"Such insolence!"

"EEEEEEEWWWWW!"

"...Nice body." (Who the hell is this weirdo?)

*Jawdrop* "I still have long way to go before I reach Zaraki Taichou's level..." Ikakku (referring to certain...assets, I'm guessing?).

"I as well..." Yumichika.

And of course, the music player (I don't know what they have...stereo? CD player? iPod player?) had to immediately start blasting out "Sexy and I Know It (Rukia is NEVER choosing the playlist again)," and since everyone in Soul Society was easily hypnotized by human-world-music, they all started dancing—even Kenpachi. Who slowly danced his way out of the large hall. Who then ran back to the barracks to change into the dress he was SUPPOSED to wear, but hadn't.

And finally, back to describing Ichigo's dress (Me: *epic glare at Ichigo* Ichigo: P-please! Don't blame me!). Now where was I? Ah yes...some of his longer scraps of hair were braided and neatly tied with tiny hair bands (courtesy of Rukia, since his dad just COULDN'T do that kind of stuff). Around his neck were multiple necklaces, the most notable being one made completely out of pure, freshwater pearls, and another that had a huge strawberry pendant hanging from it that was engraved with the number "15." (another reference to his name. For you unknowing dumbkopfs, "ichi go" in Japanese is literally "1 5." 1 5. 15.)

Unbeknownst to the partying (I typed "partying, and the iPod corrected it to "laryngitis"— wtf?)* Shinigami, a certain drunk (his head-tank fluid was somehow 68% alcohol today, for some reason) Espada by the name of Aaroniero had opened a Garganta into the very sky's of Seireitei, and was currently floating around, singing "We Found Love" by Rihanna, with the high voice as the background and the low voice as the "lead singer," which sounded so bad that some of the lesser Shinigami began falling unconscious from its horribleness.

* * *

*A/N: Yes, I type these on my iPod which is linked to my Gmail account. It makes it so much simpler to type stories on the go ^^


	4. Chapter 4

Crossdressing Day 4

"WE FOUND LOVE IN A HOPELESS PLACE, WE FOUND LOVE IN A HOPELESS PLACE, LA-DEE-DAH...I FORGOT THE WORDS..."

"ohh, lala, dum-dee-doh!" sang the higher voice screechily.

The sound was so bad, Rikichi (hold on!—he's an unseated member! How'd he sneak into the seated officers/lieutenants/captains celebration hall?) fell over onto Rangiku, whom he was standing behind, trying to sneak a peek at her breasts, making her tip forward drunkenly, boobs falling right on the head of an extremely annoyed Hitsugaya Toushiro, who was wondering what the awful sound was, who jabbed his wand into Rangiku's boobs, causing her to start back, trip on Rikichi's dress, and fall over, knocking down a support beam, which fell down down down all the way toward the head of an unsuspecting Shuuhei Hisagi, who was crouching in a corner trying to suppress his nosebleed, who's blood was creating a river on the floor, which a scared Ichigo Kurosaki running away from Kenpachi slipped on, sliding all the way across the floor and crashing into an empty table, causing it to flip end over end through the air as everyone watched in horror until it landed squarely on the sleeping Soutaichou's head, breaking into multiple pieces, one of which flew through the air, defying the laws of gravity and physics until it slammed into Aaroniero's head at a speed of 300 miles per hour (which is even faster than a peregrine falcon diving at top speed! Imagine that!), shattering his supposedly shatterproof headcasing-thingummy and spilling the bubbly liquid all over Soul Society while his heads fell through the air, screaming and still singing "We Found Love" horribly, giving poor Rikichi multiple spasms which caused him to flip through the air and land right on Yamamoto's lap, making a loud SNAP and causing the half-asleep Soutaichou to scream, now fully awake, which was so loud that even Ukitake and Kyouraku had to cover their ears and making Aizen all the way over in Las Noches whimper in his sleep and start having nightmares, while the whole time everyone in the rickety unstable hall stared in horror at the events playing out before them in silence.

Until all of a sudden, the remnants of Aaroniero's tank fluid thing (which, as you remember, are 68% alcohol) splashed through the holy ceiling, drenching everyone in alcohol and weird purple-pink liquid gunk.

At the sudden desecration of their holy roof by alcohol and weird purple-pink liquid gunk, a fanatic group of religious freaks rushed over, screaming and shouting angrily.

"HOW DARE YOU DESECRATE THE HOLY ROOF!"

"WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU FREAKS?"

"NOW WHERE WILL WE ROOFISTS PRAY TO OUR GREAT GOD ROOFÈ FOR GUIDANCE AND COMPASSION?"

"RUFUS! DO NOT REFER TO OUR GREAT GOD BY HIS TRUE NAME, LEST HE GROW ANGRY AND SMITE YOU DOWN WITH HIS ROOFY FIST!"

"SHADDAP, YOU FREAKS!" Kenpachi strolled through their midst, wearing a beautiful (yeah, right) dress that Yachiru had chosen for him. Let me describe it (Me: I'm watching you, Kenny! Ken-chan: Yeah, yeah, whatever).

Sexy. That was the first word that came to mind when the dress was seen; at least it was the first word that came to mind when Kenpachi wasn't wearing it. When he was, the first word that came to mind was: OH-MY-GOD-IM-GONNA-DIE-OF-IT'S-THAT-BAD!

Imagine, the most revealing, sexiest blue dress that ever was. Now imagine an amateur, photoshopping it onto an image of an ultra bodybuilder, except that bodybuilder has hair like a starfish with little pink bows on the end. Now multiply that by nine thousand, and you might get a little bit closer to imagining how horrid the image of Kenpachi in his dress was.

"AAAAAAHHHH! IT'S THE FOUL DEMON THAT DARES DEFY OUR GOD!"

"THE FLOORÈ! IT HAS COME TO DESTROY US!"

Kenpahi looked around in disgust. "What the hell? What're these pathetic beings doing here?"

"OH SAVE US, OUR GREAT GOD! SAVE US FROM THE FLOORÈ!"

"Do any of you fight?" Silence. "Yo, idiots! Which one of you fights?" Still silence.

Angry, like a pouting child (Hey! Who said I was like a pouting child? Me: Ken-chan, please don't kill me! *fear*), Kenpachi released a huge wave of reiatsu, blowing away the creepy Roofists, along with Rufus the stoopid Roofist, along with a whole section of the unstable hall, along with a single strand of Yamamoto's hair. Upon noticing his beard being a millionth of an ounce lighter (Me: Yama-jii-san, will you teach me how to detect minuscule changes in weight? Yamamoto: No. That kind of work is not for you, young grasshopper. *eats a fried grasshopper* Me: *backs away slowly*), Yamamoto immediately became furious, his own red reiatsu rising along his body, making Rikichi faint, eyes still open.

"Juuichi-ban Taichou, Zaraki Kenpachi! What in Kuchiki Taichou's porn magazines have you done to MY PRECIOUS BEARD?"

Immediately, all eyes turned to Byakuya, wondering if he really read porn. The head of the Kuchiki clan blushed, turning away and refusing to answer (much to the agony of the fangirls spying on him through their secret cameras, until he stabbed those cameras through with Senbonsakura).

Even Kenpachi was amazed at the force of Yamamoto's reiatsu. "Uh...um...blame it all on—"

"MEEEEEEE!" A tall, blue-haired figure burst in through the broken part of the wall, knocking Kenpachi over and standing proudly in front of Yamamoto.

* * *

A/N: : The longest word recognized by the Oxford English Dictionary. 45 letters. Google/Bing/whatever it.

Blue-haired figure? Guess who? *eyebrow wiggle*


	5. Chapter 5

Crossdressing Day 5

Now, who is this amazing person, who dares to stand up to Yamamoto? There really is nobody else with blue hair in the Bleach-iverse, you know. This mysterious figure...

Was none other than super-duper-amazingly-awesome-nya-meow-kitty Grimmjow! (Grimmjow avidly protests to this description of him, but we tied him up with some rope. No worries.)

Immediately, Yamamoto's reiatsu receded. "Ah, welcome, Grimmjow! And how are you this fine day?" He tried to get up, but forgetting about Rikichi and the loud SNAP he'd received when the former fell on him, accidentally tossed the poor Shinigami all the way out to land on Rangiku's boobs, who was lying on the floor still drunk, and managed to half fall over and land in an ungainly heap on the ground.

Everybody stared in shock at how warmly Yamamoto welcomed Grimmjow, major WTF-faces all around. There was something fishy about this...

"Waaaaah! Yama-beardy, don't die!" Wailing, Grimmjow jumped onto his back, making an even louder CRUNCH and causing the poor Soutaichou to grit his teeth in pain.

After much more time, in which Grimmjow managed to eat Renji's hair, steal Iba's sunglasses effectively blinding him, give Ukitake a blood-cough-inducing hug, break Ichigo's arm, finish 27 games of hangman with Yachiru, eat 5 turkeys, leave bite marks on Ikkaku's head, mess up Yumichika's feathers, magically shrink Hitsugaya's dress somehow, sober up Unohana enough to heal some of the more badly wounded, launch a rocket at Omaeda's head, have a friendly fight with Yoruichi, and steal almost all of Choujiro's sweetcakes, he fell over in a puddle of punch and who knew what else, entirely unconscious. Everyone was in a state of shock, so much so that they didn't even notice the sound of a Garganta opening in the sky above.

Ulquiorra fell on the ground in an ungainly heap, before standing up nonchalantly as though nothing out of the ordinary had happened. "I'll be taking this imbecile," he said, grabbing Grimmjow by the hair and dragging him back up into the sky and the Garganta, muttering something that sounded awfully like "I knew that was the wrong drug" before disappearing into the blackness.

Exhausted from all the excitement, Kira collapsed into a bowl of punch, while Hisagi went back to cleaning up his nosebleeds while thinking about Rangiku and Isane had a refreshing bowl of sweet porridge. By now, it was darkly dark, and Kiyone and Sentarō were huddled around their captain who was being attended to by Unohana, keeping away from the big hole in the wall where they kept "hearing the monsties."

The day ended nicely with fireworks being set off. Sadly, Byakuya had never been on a mission to the real world for any longer than 20 minutes, and didn't know anything about how to set off fireworks, which was bad since he was on the fireworks team. So none of the others were very surprised when he somehow caught his dress on the edge of a rocket and was shot up into the air along with the firework, screaming his oh-so-dignified head off and leaving a trail of Byakuya-shaped sparks. And every time he fell down from getting off the exploding firework, he would get caught on another one and be sent, screaming back into the sky again. The others on the fireworks team made it a game, to see how long they could keep him in the air without letting him touch the ground/trees/angry flying seagull-moose hybrids. His screams echoed through the different worlds.

Over in Las Noches, Aizen turned over in his sleep, having nightmares about monkeys carrying laser beams trying to shoot his underwear, while the whole time Ulquiorra stood on a hill, laughing maniacally, holding a fistful of bright blue hair.

The Shinigami were never happier to return to their normal clothes than that day. Especially Byakuya.

* * *

A/N: "The monsties": hallucinations of monsters.

Wonder what Ulquiorra's been taking lately...and what was that drug he was talking about? Huhuhu...


End file.
